Thanks for the Sign Mom…

One of the hardest things that I have had to deal with since my mom’s passing (and believe me when I say one, as there are many – of which over time I will write about) … is knowing how to help my dad through this. It is so hard to watch this tremendously gentle soul of a man so broken so lost. I just don’t have the words to help him through this. I do try, but in the end I know my words have not helped, I can only hope they have not made it worse…

But I am getting ahead of myself here, as I have not finished up where I left off with my last post, and I do need to finish.

featherclouds 011

After the memorial service Jamie, Our children, grand children, my dad and my brother, my cousin and his very sensitive wife and I gathered at the graveyard and it is here I took out the extra piece of ribbon I had brought from home, as crumbled as the first, with shaking hands I asked Jamie to hold my purse. From there I went to the tree which was close to where mom was and tied the pink ribbon on the tree. It was something I needed to do, something that I… well just something.

As I stood there looking at the spot where my mom was, next to her twin sister – my heart cried a million tears as I looked over to the spot where one day my dad would be. In that second I just wanted to be alone – I wanted to run and never stop…

From the graveyard we came back to our house where the dinner that Jamie and I had spent the day before putting together was waiting to be put on the table. Thinking back on it now I have a hard time remembering what there was. I do know the table was full of food but beyond that I don’t remember to much. The house soon filled up with people and I busied myself making sure people had food, coffee, tea. I made the expected small talk, and managed to hold it all together. In my mind it was the last dinner I would do for my mom… it was a haunted, hollow echo in my mind. The words I had written for the memorial that Fred Massey had used for the service, the dinner, the family wearing pink – had I done it right? Was it something that my mom would have liked? Did those that were there understand what I was saying? Doing?

”I need to sleep” I said to Jamie many hours later, as we sat out on the big open deck watching for the meteorites. “I don’t think we are going to see any” I said to Jamie as I headed towards the house — and just as I said that, one flashed brightly over head.

When I walked into our room … (there is something you need to understand about Jamie and Mines room. It is painted royal purple, walls and ceiling, it has blackout blinds and heavy royal purple curtains on the windows – It can be the brightest of days outside but our room it so dark you cannot even see your hand in front of your face. Due to migraines – I designed the room specifically for this purpose) … but that night when I walked into our room and closed the door behind me, saying again to myself — I hope it was ok… I looked up and the room was full of the brightest white (a white I cannot even describe as it was beyond white) twinkling lights. These lights were about the size of a golf ball with no defined edges — they just, well the closest I can come to describing them is they twinkled. My writing cannot do justice to the sight so you will just have to take my word for it. As I stood there looking into the room – I thought nothing, just felt a huge relief of peace. As I walked through the lights to the bed I remember only thinking to myself… Thanks for the sign mom, and for the first time since my mom had passed I slept through the night with no disturbing dreams and no middle of the night waking.

Published in: on September 7, 2009 at 8:25 am  Comments (6)  

The URI to TrackBack this entry is:

RSS feed for comments on this post.

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. What an awesome sign. If that wasn’t your mom surrounding you with love and calm and peace, then I don’t know what it was. But I’m sure it was!

  2. that is a beautiful vision you shared

  3. I am SO sorry about your Mother. I just caught up on your posts. I guess I have been dealing with the situation with my daughter and sort of tuned all other things out.

    I believe that was your Mother sending you a sign!! Sometime I will write you about some of what I have seen and know to be real. How comforting for you!!! Did you tell your Dad?

    I will hush for now..but I will mention all of you when I light my candles.

    Peace of heart to you and all you love,

    ~g-h (Susan)

  4. I got chills from reading this, how amazing. You’re lucky. I asked for a sign from my Mom and I ended up pregnant. 😉 My Mom just wanted more grandchildren I guess and figured if I was sitting there crying (she didn’t tolerate me crying very well) she was at least going to get something out of it.

  5. Thank you… all of you! Words cannot due justice to say what is my heart for all of your comments, so for now I will keep quiet…

  6. And it was the perfect sign for you wasn’t it? Isn’t it funny that our moms always know what we need?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: