I held on…


Throughout our time at the hospital Jamie (bless his sweet heart) stayed in touch with home, letting the girls know what was going on. It was during one of these phone calls home that we learned that our youngest had been deployed to one of the many forest fires that were burning.

If the ride to the hospital is a blur, the ride home was even more so. We talked a little bit about how peaceful mom had passed, how sick she had been, how nice that I had been able to talk to her on the phone for an hour the day before – but mostly we rode in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts, our own memories, our own nothingness. One thing that stands prominent out of the ride when the silence was broken by my dad’s quiet voice “What do we want to put on the stone – we only have a small space – for Joyce we put Rest in Peace?”

A question out of the quietness – a question that affirmed that I needed to hang on, needed to keep the strength. I held on…

“Lovingly Remembered” I replied to my dad. “I knew you could do it” he said simply – as we went back to our silent thoughts.

We dropped my dad off at home, where he walked over to talk to one of his neighbors. “He needs his time alone” I said to Jamie as we drove away.

I remember asking Jamie to stop before we got home, just to give myself a few minutes before I seen my kids – I needed to hold on.

Once home we were greeted with many tears and many hugs – I held on.

Benjamin phoned – we talked quietly – he assured me he was ok and that his crew leader knew what was going on. – I held on.

Somewhere in there our girls went home and I sat with Jamie for a short time outside- I think we talked but I cannot be sure, we might have just sat in silence – I held on.

I went to bed – and as I drifted off to sleep the silent tears that I had been holding onto throughout the past two days streamed down my face – I have to hang on I kept telling myself – I am ok, I am ok, I am ok…

Published in: on August 20, 2009 at 6:00 am  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Father, thank you for allowing Beverly’s mom to pass peacefully and with dignity. Thank you, for the lovely words for her headstone, and for the comfort of their close loving family. Please hold on to Beverly and stay near for her to cling onto, as she stays strong for her family. Be her strong tower and soft shoulder, and allow those of us who care for her to comfort her in some small way. In Jesus precious name. Amen.

  2. Shawn this prayer and the one you sent me via email help give me strength. Thank you!

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